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tothetune2009-12-09 09:02 am
ofyourdeath.livejournal.com) wrote in tothetune2009-12-09 09:02 am
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What’s Wrong With Music?
Call me crazy, but I think music has gotten super strange in some areas. Back in the day, it used to be about how often your band toured and how good your songs were, not how many hits you have on YouTube.
Allow me to break down the biggest problems facing music today.
5. Fashion
Unless your name is David Bowie, I could care less about what you or your band is wearing. OK, I’ll give some credit to Devo as well, but this six-costume-changes-per-show shit is weak. Don’t even get me started on all those kids who saw some My Chemical Romance video and decided it was time for a ridiculous hairdo, a pierced lip and pants so tight they make you pray you don’t drop anything.
4. The Black Eyed Peas
“Lady Lumps?” “Let’s Get Retarded in Here?” Congratulations, The Black Eyed Peas…You suck. I imagine that if I were suffering from either breast cancer or some form of mental disability, I would hate you even more than I already do. The shocking thing about The Black Eyed Peas is the sheer enormity of fame the group has garnered. The band’s fame makes me think I just might be the last sane person on Earth, and I consider it a sign of the impending apocalypse. I use this group merely as an umbrella face for all the mediocre groups out there that somehow made it big, thanks to America’s malls, their fans not being any older than 15 and the evils of a capitalism-driven music industry.
3. Auto-Tune
It used to be that if you couldn’t sing, people either hated you or it became your trademark. The singer for pop/punk outfit Piebald, Travis Shettel, is terrible, but it works for him—partly because you’ve got to respect someone who is not great but doesn’t doctor his voice. But now suddenly every rap and R&B song has become an unintelligible mess of effects-laden vocals that attack on two fronts: No longer can anyone tell one song from another, and any tone-deaf asshole who owns a computer can release an album ripe for blasting too loudly out of some douche-lord’s Jetta.
2. Musicians
If you’re one of these musicians walking around constantly telling everyone how amazing your songs are or how your band is the greatest thing since the dawn of creation, you need to realize this not only makes people feel miserably awkward, but it speaks volumes about you as a person. I see it as a need to prove to yourself that you don’t suck and are not boring. I mean, if you say it out loud enough it becomes true, right? Look, everyone appreciates quiet modesty, and all the best bands around just get the job done without all the talk and hype—except rappers, but they’re all using auto-tune anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
1. pitchfork.com
Pitchfork should change its name to hipster-lessons-for-preteens-who-don’t-listen-to-anything-unless-we-tell-them-to.com. Now, instead of actually forming an opinion based on a group’s talent or musical merit, you can simply visit this website and be told what you’re supposed to like from a panel of idiots that leads the mediocrity-in-music campaign with such sanctimonious vigor, it makes me sick. Yes, criticism has a strong and valid position in the music world, but should be used as guidelines rather than words to live by. Do yourself a favor and choose for yourself. If one more person tells me what pitchfork said about something, it’ll mean a pitchfork in the face for that person.
Source
Allow me to break down the biggest problems facing music today.
5. Fashion
Unless your name is David Bowie, I could care less about what you or your band is wearing. OK, I’ll give some credit to Devo as well, but this six-costume-changes-per-show shit is weak. Don’t even get me started on all those kids who saw some My Chemical Romance video and decided it was time for a ridiculous hairdo, a pierced lip and pants so tight they make you pray you don’t drop anything.
4. The Black Eyed Peas
“Lady Lumps?” “Let’s Get Retarded in Here?” Congratulations, The Black Eyed Peas…You suck. I imagine that if I were suffering from either breast cancer or some form of mental disability, I would hate you even more than I already do. The shocking thing about The Black Eyed Peas is the sheer enormity of fame the group has garnered. The band’s fame makes me think I just might be the last sane person on Earth, and I consider it a sign of the impending apocalypse. I use this group merely as an umbrella face for all the mediocre groups out there that somehow made it big, thanks to America’s malls, their fans not being any older than 15 and the evils of a capitalism-driven music industry.
3. Auto-Tune
It used to be that if you couldn’t sing, people either hated you or it became your trademark. The singer for pop/punk outfit Piebald, Travis Shettel, is terrible, but it works for him—partly because you’ve got to respect someone who is not great but doesn’t doctor his voice. But now suddenly every rap and R&B song has become an unintelligible mess of effects-laden vocals that attack on two fronts: No longer can anyone tell one song from another, and any tone-deaf asshole who owns a computer can release an album ripe for blasting too loudly out of some douche-lord’s Jetta.
2. Musicians
If you’re one of these musicians walking around constantly telling everyone how amazing your songs are or how your band is the greatest thing since the dawn of creation, you need to realize this not only makes people feel miserably awkward, but it speaks volumes about you as a person. I see it as a need to prove to yourself that you don’t suck and are not boring. I mean, if you say it out loud enough it becomes true, right? Look, everyone appreciates quiet modesty, and all the best bands around just get the job done without all the talk and hype—except rappers, but they’re all using auto-tune anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
1. pitchfork.com
Pitchfork should change its name to hipster-lessons-for-preteens-who-don’t-listen-to-anything-unless-we-tell-them-to.com. Now, instead of actually forming an opinion based on a group’s talent or musical merit, you can simply visit this website and be told what you’re supposed to like from a panel of idiots that leads the mediocrity-in-music campaign with such sanctimonious vigor, it makes me sick. Yes, criticism has a strong and valid position in the music world, but should be used as guidelines rather than words to live by. Do yourself a favor and choose for yourself. If one more person tells me what pitchfork said about something, it’ll mean a pitchfork in the face for that person.
Source
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And for sure, mcr are the most scene band out there. Of course they would inspire such behaviour!
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LOL.
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I mean, he even has a unicorn in storage for situations quite like this one, but. Nah. Comic books are more fun.
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But it'd be longer and somehow work in how much he hates U2.
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maybe he should write about some real news, instead of whining on the internet.
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*is shocked*
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But then I just realized the dude was cranky that his band never took off because no one liked his auto-tuned vocals on their metal cover of "My Humps". Oh, and because he didn't get his MCR tickets on time, he cried himself to sleep, hugging his pillow, wishing it was Gerard. Or something. Dude's got probleeems.
Also, I enjoy the icon for this post.
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That mental image almost caused me a broken rib, I was laughing so hard. LMAOOO!
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Hahahah I think I love you.
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And I do agree with a lot of what he said, especially about Pitchfork.com. Fashion has always been part of music, though. Both are about self-expression. This person has expressed themselves through the medium of vitriolic opinion columns; I'm sure he can relate at least a little bit.
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(Anonymous) 2009-12-09 04:03 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
Don’t even get me started on all those kids who saw some My Chemical Romance video and decided it was time for a ridiculous hairdo, a pierced lip and pants so tight they make you pray you don’t drop anything.
Those darn kids expressing themselves and such. IT'S NEVER HAPPENED LIKE THIS BEFORE!!!
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schadenfreude!
Re: schadenfreude!
Re: schadenfreude!
MikeyWay doesn't even have an ass to keep his pants up with and they never sag. I am convinced that this is some sort of anti-fangirl sorcery. Stupid sorcery! >:[
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And FTLOG, Johnny Cash was called THE MAN IN BLACK for a reason. The way entertainers choose to dress (or not dress, as the case may be) has always been a part of their act and the impressionable have always emulated that.
Complain about the music industry all you want. I'll join you. But at least stop making the same tired arguments about surface issues when you could be looking at what's ACTUALLY wrong with music.
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I believe in this, and it's been tested by research
That he who fucks nuns, will later join the church
- The Clash, 'Death Or Glory'.
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Ahaha.
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riiiiiiight.
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also, this article is horribly written.
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I like a show okay, I apreciate visual aspects of performing.
and watching P!ATD prance around in costumes and full make-up, MCR work bulletproof vest, and adam lambert dress in all leather with WINGS jeans and teeshirts can be kind of boring.also, in the whole age demographic thing, I'm fourteen and listen to heavy metal, punk, classic rock, and indie bands. I know that's a bit of a rarity but the generalization can piss me off sometimes...
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